I’ve been working in a highly competitive industry for the last 9 years and in that time I’ve learned a thing or two (let’s hope so, right? 😅). One of those things I thought was worth writing about and sharing. So, here we go!

When it comes to getting things done, reaching goals, or achieving success what’s your approach of choice? Do you tend to take the harsh route, creating pressure, being critical and demanding? Or do you assume the best in yourself and others and lead with compassion, care, and kindness?

It’s a common paradox: the belief that pressure and criticism are the best motivators, when in reality, kindness and support often yield far better results.

I’ve seen (and been managed by) managers who think they need to constantly ping their reports asking for updates, call them out when they’ve done something wrong, and use fear to motivate their team toward goals or growth. It sucks.

And it’s not only in the workplace that this happens, btw. Parents often think being hard on their kid will help them grow into a ‘successful’ adult. Individuals use this same strategy in the relationship with themselves, listening to their inner critic under the false promise that it will encourage them to do better (does “I shouldn’t have messed that thing up, I know better” sound familiar to anyone?).

When people feel safe, respected, and supported, they are more likely to take risks and be innovative, seek help when needed, be more engaged and productive, and develop a growth mindset and learn from mistakes.

Kindness fosters a positive and collaborative environment where people feel comfortable sharing ideas, offering support, and working together towards common goals. When we believe in people and their abilities, they are more likely to believe in themselves. This intrinsic motivation is far more powerful and sustainable than any external pressure.

The people/teams/companies/parents I’ve seen yield the ‘best’ results have figured out how to break the paradox or maybe they’re just naturally kind. Idk, probably not, they probably did some work to get there. If you’re thinking of trying to break out of the paradox of being tough here are some things you might try:

• Question the belief that harshness equals effectiveness. Reflect on your own experiences – when have you thrived under pressure versus support?

• Practice having some empathy and put yourself in the shoes of those you lead. Additionally, take some time to understand their perspectives, challenges, and aspirations.

• Have an awareness of people’s strengths. Then, recognize and celebrate individual strengths and contributions.

• Encourage learning from mistakes and view challenges as opportunities for growth.

• Provide specific, actionable feedback that focuses on improvement, not blame.
  
  “Your numbers are way off this quarter. You’re consistently falling short of your targets. You need to step it up or we’ll have to make some changes.”
  vs.
  “I’ve noticed your sales numbers have been below target for the past few months. I want to help you get back on track. I reviewed your call logs and noticed you’re making fewer calls per week than before. Is there anything hindering your outreach efforts?”

Kindness is not weakness; it’s a powerful and necessary catalyst for growth, innovation, and lasting success.